The Value of Total Honesty in Relationships

"Honesty does not apply only to what you say. The term actually means consistency. There is nothing you say that contradicts what you think or do; no thought opposes any other thought; no act belies your word; and no word lacks agreement with another. Such are the truly honest. At no level are they in conflict with themselves. Therefore it is impossible for them to be in conflict with anyone or anything. Conflict is the inevitable result of self-deception, and self-deception is dishonesty." - Jesus Christ

How do you experience absolutely conflict-free relationships?  Total honesty.

"Under no circumstances am I to tell a lie?"

Please don't misinterpret.  Of course you would tell a lie if it was the right thing to do and you were not deceiving yourself.

To grasp this principle, pretend for a moment it is a year during World War II and you are a Netherlands homeowner who is hiding a Jew who the Nazi Gestapo wants to arrest and put to death. The Gestapo thugs knock on your door and start asking probing questions. Honesty would have you totally, rightfully, and heroically lying through your teeth. In such a scenario, your thoughts do not contradict your deepest spirit of life and love and joy ... and your words do not contradict your thoughts. Do you feel internal conflict about lying to the Gestapo? Not at all. Neither does the Gestapo feel you are in conflict with them. Since you are at peace inside yourself, the Gestapo can only feel in your presence a sense of consistency, honesty.

"But that was war ... evil ... a life-threatening situation. What about lying to someone in an everyday relationship?"

The same principle is in effect. Your deep life-giving spirit is only interested in love and joy and the abiding inner peace that results from thoughts and actions ... and words ... which truly serve only love and joy. This is the same spirit we share with everyone, and which all might as well join those in religions in calling "holy" because it has every one's true interests as its goal. This holy spirit, our holy spirit, always gives us the right words to say to any person in any situation.

In applying this principle, we train ourselves to not speak from ego or ego-vested interests, but to always listen inside and allow our holy spirit to speak through us. We make a thoroughly determined and committed (and when necessary renewed) prayer to always maintain a keen awareness of the difference between what our spirit would have us say and words our ego-based fear, pain, guilt or worldly cravings might put on our tongue which might contradict our holy spirit.

We know when our mind is tempted to entertain a contradiction ... and we choose not to live with a conflicted mind. That is honesty.

"But what if our spirit guides us to be 'brutally' honest, in the sense that our honest words might invite the other person to choose to feel hurt or alienated?"

Trust! Trust! Trust! If words are from our holy spirit we have no business judging them to be "brutal." We cannot see all the future beautiful and beneficial effects of our spiritually-guided honesty. But if we somehow feel absolutely sure as sure can be that the words really would be brutal, then we better not say them ... because guaranteed brutality is from the ego.

True honesty ... and if we are honest we always know true honesty ... sometimes engenders growth and heightened honesty in others, always serves greater ultimate love and joy, and can only be good for relationships.





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