"First happiness, then a relationship."
Strange as it may seem, the only way to have total happiness in a relationship is to have total happiness without a relationship.
As soon as I think I have to have a relationship to be happy, my happiness is already sabotaged. This can be illustrated by the story of the three little sisters.
Once upon a time there were three little sisters.
The first sister was happy all the time, no matter what. She simply chose to be happy. Happiness was the easiest thing in the world to choose because all the happiness in the universe was right inside of her and she understood that feeling her natural happiness was just a matter of not closing herself down. She never did have a relationship, but she didn't particularly care. She was blissfully happy regardless.
The second sister must have forgotten she was naturally happy inside. She kept thinking she needed to be in a relationship to be happy. When she didn't have a relationship she closed her natural happiness down by telling herself she couldn't be happy unless she was in a relationship. When she did have a relationship, she was limited in her happiness by the fear that the relationship might end. Thus she could never experience total happiness.
The third sister, like the first sister, didn't care if she was in a relationship or not. She was happy not being in a relationship and she was happy in a relationship. When in a relationship, she did not fear the relationship ending, so she never closed down her happiness.
If I really learn my natural state is happiness and I really learn I do not need anything or anyone or any situation outside myself in order to experience my happiness, then my possibilities for happiness in a relationship are endless.
But if I think I need someone or some circumstance outside myself in order to have happiness, then I will always fear losing what I think I need ... and fear is the opposite of happiness.
So my goal with this week's lesson is to teach myself that happiness is always right inside myself and I can turn to my happiness and experience my happiness at any time.
To further this goal I will wake up each day this week and choose happiness. I will look inside myself and ask myself:
"Happiness? Are you there? Are you there, happiness?"
I will ask this over and over again if necessary until I feel happiness. Happiness will show itself as a feeling if I ask long enough with sincerity and deep desire.
Once I've felt happiness, I will say aloud to myself for perhaps five minutes statements which affirm my desire to really learn this week's lesson on a deep feeling level. I might use statements such as:
"I deserve happiness, so today I'm choosing to feel happiness ... and that's that!"
"I'm capable of happiness, so today I'm choosing to feel happiness ... regardless of what's going on outside myself!"
"Only my happiness makes me happy, so that's what I choose!"
"Nothing outside myself can increase the happiness already inside ... so I'm happy."
It doesn't matter what statements I use. My own inner voice might give me statements that work deeper inside myself than these examples. The idea is to say the affirmation a few times until I feel the truth of it. If pictures come to mind of myself going through the day choosing my inner happiness, so much the better.
During the day this week I again take a short little meditation break each hour and say to myself aloud some re-statement of this week's lesson such as:
"My relationships could be joyous, but my joy does not require a relationship."
"My relationships might be fulfilling, but my fulfillment does not require a relationship."
"After taking this course my relationships are going to be so much fun! But having fun in life does not require a relationship!"
The idea is to remind myself as often as possible that a relationship is not what makes me happy, even though a relationship could at times be a trigger for me to open to the natural happiness that is always inside myself.
Before retiring each day this week, I spend a short time really feeling gratitude that I don't need a relationship to be happy and feeling an even higher and deeper gratitude that I can turn my attention inside at any time and feel the innate happiness which, although I might have buried it at times, has never left me.
I might even say to myself with the deepest satisfaction a few times before falling to sleep:
"If I thought I NEEDED a relationship ... I'd be in trouble! But joy upon joy ... I'm already happy!"
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