Have you ever felt there were times when you were sabotaging yourself in a relationship, maybe even going so far in despairing moments as to think the above thought?
Don't feel bad. Everyone has the same experience. Because relationships are created for the purpose of difficulty.
Yes ... although it seems you are a separate being living in a separate body in a separate space, what happens if this idea of separateness is examined in the light of modern quantum physics' holographic universe? Oh, my gosh! Separateness disappears. In reality we are all one, and can be said to be of one essence. Ancient seers called this one essence "spirit." They taught, "you are a spiritual being." When God was asked His name in the biblical book of Genesis, the answer was not "I am (this and that)," but simply oneness: "I AM that I AM."
Yet in our earth experience if we are asked who we are, we do not answer, "I AM." Rather we answer, "I am this, and you are that." In other words, we falsely identify ourselves as separate beings. The name modern psychology has given to this false self-identification is "ego." A relationship is two or more separate beings, egos.
Our true nature as total oneness would be experienced as total love, total joy, total peace. But ego wants to maintain itself, which is to say maintain the false sense of separation. So ego cannot allow total. A lesser experience of love, joy, or peace can be allowed, but never total. Total must be sabotaged. And in its role as saboteur, the ego has a million and one tricks to draw upon each moment.
Since a relationship is two or more egos, sabotage is always either in the process of happening on the surface, or in the process of slowly being set up under the surface. Ego forbid we experience total love, total joy, or total peace!
Ancients called ego "Satan" or the "Devil." Pope Francis was correct when he recently said of Satan (ego): "He presents things as if they were good, but his intention is destruction."
Okay, so now what? How do we short-circuit ego ploys?
Simple! We give ourselves permission to experience oneness. We practice allowing what might be thought of as "joining in spirit." With everyone, we say in our mind something like: "Right now, instead of experiencing this person as separate, I will join in spirit and feel oneness." With everything, we might ask: "What if instead of perceiving this as something separate from me, I let myself join in spirit and recognize oneness."
Joining in spirit is usually easier with a fellow human being or a pet than with a rock or fire hydrant. But when oneness is experienced for moments at a time, there are moments of total peace, total love, and total joy. And like learning any skill, practice makes perfect, right? The lessons of this course are meant to be an aid in making such practice much more efficient.
One practice which really helps is constantly saying in your mind: "I love you!" It doesn't matter whether your ego thinks you love the person (or object). Just say it constantly. Thinking love thoughts opens your heart so you can join. Others will feel your heart opening, start to feel safe, begin to let down their barriers, and join with you.
Finally, it helps to retrain one's mind from using language like, "in my relationship with so and so." Instead, as often as can be remembered, substitute language like, "in my moments of oneness with so and so." The more we think oneness and imagine oneness, the more we enter into the experience of oneness where "relationship" disappears and is replaced by joy and love and peace. Logical?
As always ... have fun!
Also available free of charge online:
Course in Political Miracles