Self-honesty: Prerequisite For Great Relationships
To assure relationship happiness, I need to learn self-honesty. For starters, it will help me to see for a moment some examples of what self-honesty is not.
Always telling the literal truth to others is not the definition of self-honesty.
For example, let's imagine I live in World War II Netherlands and I am harboring a Jewish family which is hiding from the Nazis. If the Gestapo knocks on my door and asks me whether I know where this family is, my self-honest response is to lie to them, telling them I have no knowledge of this family.
In this example, the Gestapo are the ones being dishonest with themselves.
Always telling the truth to myself based on what I imagine I know is not the definition of self-honesty.
For example, suppose I'm a young chess player who has just learned the game of chess. I hear about an opportunity to play against a chess master and I tell myself, "No way am I going to be able to beat such a master."
This sounds like being honest with myself, but have I listened inside to my inner voice? Maybe my inner voice is telling me not to judge by the surface appearance of the circumstance. Perhaps my spirit is informing me that there is a miracle about to happen at the chess tournament if I would just listen inside and trust.
Seeing two separate people in relationship is not self-honesty.
The truth is we are all one. In the ego's world it's been convenient to allow our mind to be trained to seeing separation and believing in separation. But as science progresses there is more and more proof of what spiritual teachers have been telling us for ages ... there is only one mind.
In 1999 in Salt Lake City one man harbored a grievance against the LDS Family History Library. He was frustrated and angry but did not act on his anger ... so it seemed. Another man happened to be walking by who had no grievance at all with the library, but he suddenly stopped and turned, entered the library, pulled out a gun, and started shooting people.
Psychics might say, "The two men were psychically connected, one acting out the other's anger," as if we are separate beings but in psychic association with each other. But are we really even separate beings? Science is increasingly agreeing with spiritual teachers ... all is one.
So I've seen some examples of what self-honesty is not, and I realize ultimately I have little choice in each situation but to listen inside to my deepest inner truth to find out the truly self-honest response or the truly self-honest way of seeing things.
Being self-honest means being in-touch with my spirit and responding as my spirit would have me respond.
If somebody asks me, "How are you doing this morning?", I might be tempted to tune in to my sore muscles and answer, "I feel terrible!" But maybe if I listened to something deeper inside myself than my body or my emotions I would hear my inner voice counseling me to reply after all, "You know what? I couldn't be better!"
Why does my inner voice always counsel me to feel loving, joyous, energized, confident? Only because my true nature is loving, joyous, energized, and confident. My inner voice is honest to my true self and to what is really going on beneath surface appearances.
Self-honesty is defined as being fully consistent with my inner being and my inner knowledge.
Okay. So now I want to work on developing a deeper self-honesty than I've ever before experienced. Yes, I want to guard against deceiving myself with respect to the facts. But I also want to look deeper within than usual and find out facts that wouldn't have been apparent by looking at the surface.
To set the learning tone for each day, when I awaken I will make a statement to myself of my dedication:
"Today I'm going to be more honest with myself than ever before!"
It does not matter if I don't know how I am going to do this. The key here is to make the commitment. My subconscious mind is capable of doing the work without my conscious mind knowing how. I merely want to make the statement to myself enough times to start feeling the commitment.
Then throughout each day I want to ask myself one question over and over again in many different situations. I might ask myself this question a thousand times during the day. The question is:
"Am I being honest with myself in this situation?"
The very act of asking will cause my inner being to respond. I will know without thinking about it intellectually whether I am being honest. With enough practice, I will begin to easily recognize the feeling of being honest with myself.
Before retiring each day I will say to myself a few times the truth I am teaching myself:
"Self-honesty brings me what I really, really want."
When my day has ended and I'm in bed, eyes closed, I ask myself one more time for the day, "What does it feel like to be totally honest with myself?" As I fall asleep, I bask in the joyous feeling of self-honesty.
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